I miss you, little brother.

Cuntbox
Cuntbox
Addict
Losing you was one of the hardest things I've ever lived through. Looking into the eyes of our family members, all the questions.. there'll never be the right answer. I'm not mad at you for being gone, I'm not even mad that you did it to yourself. I'm upset because I can't answer the questions our siblings have. I'm mad that our siblings blame themselves because you snuck the gun out on their watch. I'm mad because our 5 and 3 year old siblings are asking Mom, "where's Kyle? Kyle come home?" and she can do nothing but CRY.

Mostly I'm mad that there is a drug ring involved with your death. I'm mad that the fucking police report is inconsistent with the truth, I'm mad that this is all getting swept under the rug in a town smaller than a bus station. I'm fucking MAD that my MOM is being threatened by drug dealers, I'm fucking MAD that a retired cop is doing more about this than ANYONE.

I'm even MORE mad that I'm a state away and I have obligations here and can't be at home to support my family. I missed my own brothers fucking funeral because neither job would let me off for it. It's been 2 months, and the more time that goes by the more information comes to light, and NO ONE stepped in to help. I'm mad because I can't talk to anyone about it, because my boyfriend doesn't understand that I love my foster brother every bit as much as I love my brother. My mom can only cry, and my siblings blame themselves. FUCK I want to just fucking KICK someone in their God damned teeth!
Lani
Lani's display pic
Fiend
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what you mean about not being able to be there because of obligations where you live. My grandmother and mother's boyfriend recently passed and I couldn't be there to help with either because of school and work where I live. My mom's boyfriend died in a really strange way and they wouldn't do an autopsy since we couldn't afford it, so we'll never know if it was natural or if he was murdered. I'm sorry that there are so many stupid complications involved, and this is so hard on you. I hope things at least clear up some soon. *hugs*
Cuntbox
Cuntbox
Addict
Thank you so much for your kind words, truly it means a lot. I'm sorry to hear you mom had to go through some rough times too, that's awful.
badromance
badromance's display pic
Addict
I can only say I'm sorry about all of this :(
Tigress81205
Tigress81205
Addict
Wave Bat
:( I'm so sorry hun. I hope that it all gets sorted out soon though even if the cops are being assholes.
Cuntbox
Cuntbox
Addict
Thank you Shari, and Phuong. <3.
mike_oxbig
mike_oxbig
Addict
you didn't go to your brothers funeral because you had to work? are you fucking kidding me?
TheWrongGirl
TheWrongGirl
Titan
FOD said:
you didn't go to your brothers funeral because you had to work? are you fucking kidding me?


Kind of my thoughts. I would have quit if they told me I couldn't leave. Times are hard with the economy, but there are other jobs out there. Not an excuse. Sorry.
Cuntbox
Cuntbox
Addict
I have two jobs, I got off from one, for one day but they wouldn't let me off for multiple days, but I was in my 90 days training at the other, and I can't afford to not be at work. I pay all of my own bills and I'm just barely starting to get ahead, two months ago I wasn't drowning, but I couldn't afford to take off from anything.

Don't judge me for meeting my financial commitments. I feel bad enough that I didn't go to the funeral, I don't need your disapproval, too. Obviously I know that it's something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life.
mike_oxbig
mike_oxbig
Addict
justify yourself however you want. if you were in my family you would be disowned.

- Added 23 seconds later:

and my family isnt even that close
TheImmigrant's display pic
OmgThatGirlLovesOranges
To be fair my family wouldnt have shitall to do with me if I didnt attend my own siblings funeral.
I mean, if its a distant relative or an aunt you didnt really care for fair enough but if it were me personally Id have thought fuck it and attended. You call in sick and take a warning at work if you have to.. idk it just seems important enough to do so.

I am sorry about your loss, and I understand you being upset. I just think that you COULD have gone if you had really worked it through.
~IN JERRY WE TRUST~
Cuntbox
Cuntbox
Addict
I'd have been fired from one job and put on probation at the other with a first and final, and when I got sick a week later I'd have been fired from that job as well for noncompliance to their attendance policy.

Like I said, I made the decision, it was a bad one, but in the end I still had two jobs, on my own terms. I have to live with the decision and I know that, I don't need berated or e-lectured. I know what I did, and it kills me, it kills me every time my mom calls crying and I can't hug her like she needs to. It becomings crystal fucking clear when my sister calls me and tells me that my other 18 year old brother won't come out of his room and that he refuses to speak. I KNOW the consequences of my actions, and I'll live with them, because I am financially responsible for MORE than just me. I pay for my household, my 21 year old brothers, and half of my moms household expenses. It's not just me that my decision affects. Morally I'm a fucking cunt for not physically being there, but by being here at my job, I keep a roof over their head.

Judge all you fucking want.
Opeth
Opeth's display pic
Addict
You can get another job.......
Honestly I'm with everyone here, you have no valid excuse. Sorry.
Cuntbox
Cuntbox
Addict
Last year it took me 4 months to find my first job and took me another year to find my 2nd job. It's only getting worse, we don't exactly have job opportunities around here.
Opeth
Opeth's display pic
Addict
Yea ok, we all live in this recession we know how tough it is, but 90% of the people in here have been shocked and appalled you went to work over a family member's funeral. To be completely honest with you, I would not want to work a minute for a company that didn't give me compassionate leave.

And I'm sorry for your loss honestly, but if you don't want to be judged on your actions, don't write a long rant detailing every moment of that trauma. You're like a dog that sniffs it's own arse and complains about the smell.
Cuntbox
Cuntbox
Addict
Gav I don't have the luxury of being unemployed at ALL, for any amount of time, long or short. I had bereavement leave at one job and not the other, as previously stated.

I keep a roof over not only myself, but my brothers, mom and all of my siblings. I've admitted that I was a total cunt for not going to the funeral, and have even admitted that I feel terrible about not going. No amount of bitching from anyone on here can take back time so that I can quit two jobs, go to a funeral, and they end up homeless because I can't pay rent.
FeministKilljoy
FeministKilljoy
Guru
Cuntbox said:
Gav I don't have the luxury of being unemployed at ALL, for any amount of time, long or short. I had bereavement leave at one job and not the other, as previously stated.

I keep a roof over not only myself, but my brothers, mom and all of my siblings. I've admitted that I was a total cunt for not going to the funeral, and have even admitted that I feel terrible about not going. No amount of bitching from anyone on here can take back time so that I can quit two jobs, go to a funeral, and they end up homeless because I can't pay rent.


I can totally see where you're coming from and I think you did the right thing. I'm sure your brother would have understood, especially since you have so many other family members to account for financially. In a recession like this, no one can afford to lose their job and it's really fucking hard to find another one.

A funeral, to me, doesn't really mean that much. It's purely symbolic. It's not as if her brother was really there, it was just his body. And for fuck's sake, she just lost her brother, she has enough to deal with already without your lectures.
Opeth
Opeth's display pic
Addict
bananacake said:
I can totally see where you're coming from and I think you did the right thing. I'm sure your brother would have understood, especially since you have so many other family members to account for financially. In a recession like this, no one can afford to lose their job and it's really fucking hard to find another one.

A funeral, to me, doesn't really mean that much. It's purely symbolic. It's not as if her brother was really there, it was just his body. And for fuck's sake, she just lost her brother, she has enough to deal with already without your lectures.


I agree with most of what you say, and when I have lost a family member I don't go posting on RP about in the immediate aftermath.
I'm sorry but I guess old age is making me cynical.
Psychobabble
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